i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
