Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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