I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
