dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
