I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
