he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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