Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
