I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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