as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
they're like a gay fantastic four
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
