The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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