so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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