I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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