either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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