i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
