I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize