6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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