he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I died a long time ago.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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