His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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