My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
They have beer where we have blood.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
