bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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