everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
