Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
