Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize