Already got asked if we're dating
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
