The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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