no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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