She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
