Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she pinky promised me she was 18
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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