okay pat passed out under dana's car
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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