party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
