She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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