I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
how drunk are you?
Several
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize