I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
