like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
