I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
