Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
