CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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