So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
