i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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