Im at strip club and am horny
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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