I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize