If i come over, it means nothing
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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