once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
