Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
