Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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