I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
