dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
