Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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