I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize