i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
