My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
we should paint friendship bongs
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