I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize