There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
