I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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