Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
