New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
