I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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