Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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