I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
