Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
