I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
