he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
