my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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