:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
