Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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