Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
ok first of all what the fuck
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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