I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
