i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
