this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
