So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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