I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
