Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I lost the right to judge tonight
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize