If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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