She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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