My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
