stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
