Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
