Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
