member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
