You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
