This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
