one might say we're banned from that church
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
