sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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