Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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