I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
