i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you inspire me to be a worse person
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
