Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
