I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
