I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
