glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
