Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
