Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
