his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
