Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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