why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
