Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize