he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize