I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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