i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize