i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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