they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
