i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
