I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
