that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
